CH the Media Tart

CH earned the label of Media tart after 4 media appearances in a month. The story unfolds as follows...............

The month of the media tart all began when CH recently competed in a Tour, which spanned over a week in another state. CH and his team mates managed to make it into the local paper…..however I am not sure that it was for the reasons they wanted. The article mentioned their team for how ‘out of place’ they looked as they sat in a dainty café wearing Lycra, sipping tea and nibbling scones.

Strike two for the media tart occurred when a friend of ours asked if he could model some T-shirts for their upcoming business (watch this space for a preview to these awesome products). CH’s first thought – the bike, as he responds with ‘Do they want me to pose on my bike?’ followed by the quote ‘I charge more for nude shots’. Oh to be in demand like this!

Strike Three for the month of the Media Tart involved what CH referred to as an ‘Emergency Photo Shoot’ for a bicycle company. CH was called at the last minute to spend a day out with photographers getting shots for an upcoming ad campaign. Like his ego needed any more stroking at this stage?

The month of the media tart finally came to an end as I hear some fumbling up the hallway accompanied by squeals of urgency as CH retrieves the TV from the study (we had banished the television a few months ago and it had been lying dormant for many months now.........of course if it was going to come out of circulation it could only be for a reason as good as this). As CH sets up the television in the lounge it is revealed that he had received a text from his cycling team mate informing him that the tour he had competed in recently was on television. I was then treated to a running commentary as we watched intently, waiting for a glimpse of CH to flash past on the screen.

All that is left it to do now is wait for his head to deflate.

Only wake me up for the important things

I was briefly disturbed from my sleep in the wee hours of this morning by the tip tap tip tap of cycling cleats on our wooden floor as CH prepared for his daily ride (why he chooses to put his shoes on 30 minutes prior to departure time and traipse around the house I don't know?).

So while I am struggling to win the battle between sleepyland and awake, CH comes in, clearly inspects that my eyes are closed (usually an indicator that one is asleep) and proceeds to say 'Hey babe, how did you sleep?'. Confused, I open one eye, say 'Good', as my brain isn't functioning enough to ask why he is waking me up, only to ask how I slept. I lay in bed, puzzled by the recent happening, however the mystery is solved a few minutes later when it becomes clear that the sole reason CH woke me up was so that he could return shortly after and ask......'Have you got ten bucks I can borrow, so I don't have to go to the ATM,? It's for race entry."

Thief

A sad day today...........As Old Red faithfully waited outside the shops for me today whilst I grocery hunted, Old Red was stripped bare as someone stole the stickers clean from his frame.

Birthday Joy

I recently celebrated yet another birthday. In our house birthdays always remind me that CH and I are still working out the fine tuning on what is acceptable/expected on ones birthday. While I enjoy receiving a wrapped present on my actual birthday, (not an unusual request I would assume) and drop numerous hints about it, CH thinks that birthday presents are perfectly fine given to someone in the bag in which it has been purchased (often without the thought to remove the receipt prior to the gift-giving).

So while CH hasn't quiet mastered the well-known tradition of wrapping a present and writing a card for someone's birthday, he has managed to create a birthday tradition of his own. In a desperate plea to try and convince me to develop an obsession over cycling as great as his own, I will, without doubt, receive a bike related gift every birthday. A road bike, helmet, Hybrid bike, bicycle lights, Old Red and cycling shoes, just to name a few past gifts. So, each year leading up to my birthday, I ponder what else he could possibly insist that I require that is bicycling related? Surely I own everything I could possibly ever need to go for a bike ride? But alas.........there is always just one more thing a cyclists NEEDS. There is ALWAYS something more or something better that they could have.

My excitement could not be contained this year as I was handed a 99 Bikes shopping bag 2 days prior to my birthday and told 'Here's your birthday present'...............'Oh great!!! A helmet!' I reply. One especially purchased for my outings with Old Red.

Ah, but the cycling goodies didn't end there! After many nights of falling to sleep by the glow of the laptop rested on CH's lap, I finally got curious and glanced up to discover he had been putting many hours into designing a fixie for me on www.pedalmafia.com/mafid/mafia_id.html. This discovery stirred mixed emotions in me. While I love the fixie idea, my last experience on a fixie had me crashing into our car (which was parked in the driveway) and had CH in fits of laughter. So I have requested that my 'custom made fixie' actually be a 'custom made single speed' otherwise labelled by CH as 'a fixie in wuss-mode'. Four weeks on from my birthday and I am still yet to see my 'fixie in wuss-mode' in the flesh, however I do get daily MMS updates on the fixie build progress, so I can't complain. And after all.....it's the thought that counts right?

Next year I am going to put it out there and guess that I am about due for a mountain bike to fill that void in my cycling paraphernalia, maybe even a BMX? How can I convince him that a bottle of perfume is an essential cycling related present that I need?

Road Trip

I have always loved road trips. They bring with them a sense of adventure, freedom and fun! They are a great opportunity to hang out together, driving on the open road with the windows down, wind blowing through your hair, consuming copious amounts of caffeine and singing at the top of your lungs.

So when CH and I decided to make a trip to visit family and friends I naturally got excited at the prospect of a road trip, however I forgot just how much road trips have changed since CH began cycling.........

The night before...............

CH spends the night before strategically planing a route which he can cycle that will get him part of the way along our road trip, he then calculates the exact moment which I will have to leave, along with very brief directions on how to get to where he will be. He then packs a bag containing all he will need and places this by the back door so as I don't forget to cart it with me in the car.

The morning of.............

CH removes himself from the bed an hour before I even intend on waking up, dons his lycra and is off.

An hour later I emerge from bed, get ready, and hit the road solo.

I miss the turn off I am supposed to take, which means I am running late. We are supposed to meet at 6:30, and at exactly 6:31 I get the call from CH asking where I am, as he is there waiting.

I finally arrive at the designated meeting spot and wait while CH dismantles his bike to fit it in the car and changes on the side of the road much to the delight of passing vehicles.

We finally begin the road trip together..................but it would seem that CH has worn himself out on his ride and within seconds is sound asleep, head flung back against the seat and mouth wide open, just waiting for a passing fly. So I am alone again on my fun filled road trip and I need to resort to putting on a mystery CD and challenging myself to how many songs I can learn the words to by the end of the road trip.

A couple of hours into the trip and I am in desperate need of a coffee, so I stop at a bakery. CH conveniently wakes up at this point, purchases food, eats food, falls back to sleep. I go back to my mystery CD challenge.

CH eventually recuperates and offers to do some driving. As soon as CH gets behind the wheel he is in the same frame of mind that he is in when he is cycling................All that matters is being first! The trip is a hair raiser. I make a mental note to be cautious about letting him drive.

Somehow we arrive safely and begin to visit family. It is great to see everyone, we are well fed, get to meet some new additions to the family and are sent on our way with a bag of delicious fruit and veg fresh from the garden and lots of love.

The return journey..............

A kilometre into the return journey, and I realise that it's all just been too much excitement in one day for CH as he returns to his earlier 'flytrap sleeping pose'. I realise that it's the mystery CD challenge again for me.

It's late and I am feeling exhausted as we pull into the driveway. While I unload the car, CH cares for his most prized possession, ensuring his bike survived the trip. As we head inside, me carting all the junk we have accumulated along the way and CH pushing in his bike, he pipes up to say.........................................'So, I think I did most of the driving today.'

Too tired to respond to this outrageous claim, I simply shook my head in disbelief.

Saddle Sore Sculpture

CH likes to describe saddle sores as follows "It's when you ride so much that you wear a hole in your skin". I also like the description given on Fat Cyclist - A saddle sore is your butt’s method of asserting self defense - “Your honor, I killed him because he just wouldn’t quit beating on me, day after day, and then when that 75 mile road race rolled around, and he was supposed to go to Moab the next day.” http://www.fatcyclist.com/2007/03/21/the-sorts-of-saddle-sores-and-their-sources/

Saddle sores, of course, occur in an area on your body that you don't want to share with anyone other than your dearly beloved. This made things tricky at dinner the other night when one of CH's Cycling Buddies (CB) is trying to determine if he truly does have a saddle sore. CB was a virgin saddle sore receiver and was wanting confirmation that what he had was just a saddle sore and nothing to be concerned about. So CB decided to treat us all to a verbal description of his saddle sore. Upon completion of the verbal description CB was still not sure that he had painted a clear enough picture to gain an accurate diagnosis, so, he plucks a piece of feta from the salad bowl and begins using his spoon to carve out an exact replica of his saddle sore. At this point it all becomes clear to CH, who delivers his diagnosis - "Yep, it's definitely a saddle sore".
Thank goodness we had the saddle sore sculpture to clarify it all!

Who would have known there is such fine craftsmanship and pleasant conversations to be had at dinner with cyclists!

The Short Sweet Life of Chocolate Biscuits

5:00pm - CH decides to grace me with his presence while I visit the supermarket to purchase onions and potatoes.

5:17pm - We reach the checkout with a whole basket full of goods - total spend $42.75. A sample of the selections made by CH included - Tim Tams, Squiggle biscuits, Red Bull and Ice Cream (you get the picture - he made the fatal mistake of coming to the supermarket whilst hungry).

5:19pm - Half a packet of Squiggle biscuits inhaled by CH. I request to partake in the joy of a chocolate biscuit and he reluctantly parts with one.

5:20pm - I polish off the last crumb of my biscuit, having savoured every mouthful.

5:22pm - In preperation to request another chocolate biscuit I turn my head to CH, just in time to see him place the last bikkie in his mouth, whole. Dammit - too late!

5:45pm - CH sets his sights on demolishing Chocolate biscuits #2 - the Tim Tams are open. I jump in before I miss out and ask that he saves me one.

6:00pm - CH uses all the will power he has got to stop at the last biscuit and put it back in the fridge.

The following day I develop a cold and don't really want to waste my one and only chocolate biscuit by eating it when I won't even be able to fully savour the smell and taste of it. I wonder if the Tim Tam will survive the day, with CH lurking around.

CH resists and the Tim Tam does survive the day, however, over the next few days CH becomes so disturbed by the lone Tim Tam, which he knows he can't eat, that he develops a name for the situation and cries out 'Damn you Tim Tamtation' each time he opens the fridge and discovers it still there.

The fourth day after the Tim Tam purchase - I can't bear to hear 'Damn you Tim Tamtation', anymore and I sacrafice my chocolate biscuit to make one man very happy.
CH gives in to Tim Tamtation, inhales it and wears a smile for the rest of the night.

It's the little things.