n+1

I recently read a friends facebook status as follows and thought some of you may appreciate it..........

"n + 1 is how many bikes one person should own. Where the value of "n" equals the number of bikes one already owns."

CH Definitely lives by this rule. In fact, I am pretty sure his equation would be closer to n+4.
Always 'needing' another bike.

CH the Media Tart

CH earned the label of Media tart after 4 media appearances in a month. The story unfolds as follows...............

The month of the media tart all began when CH recently competed in a Tour, which spanned over a week in another state. CH and his team mates managed to make it into the local paper…..however I am not sure that it was for the reasons they wanted. The article mentioned their team for how ‘out of place’ they looked as they sat in a dainty café wearing Lycra, sipping tea and nibbling scones.

Strike two for the media tart occurred when a friend of ours asked if he could model some T-shirts for their upcoming business (watch this space for a preview to these awesome products). CH’s first thought – the bike, as he responds with ‘Do they want me to pose on my bike?’ followed by the quote ‘I charge more for nude shots’. Oh to be in demand like this!

Strike Three for the month of the Media Tart involved what CH referred to as an ‘Emergency Photo Shoot’ for a bicycle company. CH was called at the last minute to spend a day out with photographers getting shots for an upcoming ad campaign. Like his ego needed any more stroking at this stage?

The month of the media tart finally came to an end as I hear some fumbling up the hallway accompanied by squeals of urgency as CH retrieves the TV from the study (we had banished the television a few months ago and it had been lying dormant for many months now.........of course if it was going to come out of circulation it could only be for a reason as good as this). As CH sets up the television in the lounge it is revealed that he had received a text from his cycling team mate informing him that the tour he had competed in recently was on television. I was then treated to a running commentary as we watched intently, waiting for a glimpse of CH to flash past on the screen.

All that is left it to do now is wait for his head to deflate.

Only wake me up for the important things

I was briefly disturbed from my sleep in the wee hours of this morning by the tip tap tip tap of cycling cleats on our wooden floor as CH prepared for his daily ride (why he chooses to put his shoes on 30 minutes prior to departure time and traipse around the house I don't know?).

So while I am struggling to win the battle between sleepyland and awake, CH comes in, clearly inspects that my eyes are closed (usually an indicator that one is asleep) and proceeds to say 'Hey babe, how did you sleep?'. Confused, I open one eye, say 'Good', as my brain isn't functioning enough to ask why he is waking me up, only to ask how I slept. I lay in bed, puzzled by the recent happening, however the mystery is solved a few minutes later when it becomes clear that the sole reason CH woke me up was so that he could return shortly after and ask......'Have you got ten bucks I can borrow, so I don't have to go to the ATM,? It's for race entry."

Thief

A sad day today...........As Old Red faithfully waited outside the shops for me today whilst I grocery hunted, Old Red was stripped bare as someone stole the stickers clean from his frame.

Birthday Joy

I recently celebrated yet another birthday. In our house birthdays always remind me that CH and I are still working out the fine tuning on what is acceptable/expected on ones birthday. While I enjoy receiving a wrapped present on my actual birthday, (not an unusual request I would assume) and drop numerous hints about it, CH thinks that birthday presents are perfectly fine given to someone in the bag in which it has been purchased (often without the thought to remove the receipt prior to the gift-giving).

So while CH hasn't quiet mastered the well-known tradition of wrapping a present and writing a card for someone's birthday, he has managed to create a birthday tradition of his own. In a desperate plea to try and convince me to develop an obsession over cycling as great as his own, I will, without doubt, receive a bike related gift every birthday. A road bike, helmet, Hybrid bike, bicycle lights, Old Red and cycling shoes, just to name a few past gifts. So, each year leading up to my birthday, I ponder what else he could possibly insist that I require that is bicycling related? Surely I own everything I could possibly ever need to go for a bike ride? But alas.........there is always just one more thing a cyclists NEEDS. There is ALWAYS something more or something better that they could have.

My excitement could not be contained this year as I was handed a 99 Bikes shopping bag 2 days prior to my birthday and told 'Here's your birthday present'...............'Oh great!!! A helmet!' I reply. One especially purchased for my outings with Old Red.

Ah, but the cycling goodies didn't end there! After many nights of falling to sleep by the glow of the laptop rested on CH's lap, I finally got curious and glanced up to discover he had been putting many hours into designing a fixie for me on www.pedalmafia.com/mafid/mafia_id.html. This discovery stirred mixed emotions in me. While I love the fixie idea, my last experience on a fixie had me crashing into our car (which was parked in the driveway) and had CH in fits of laughter. So I have requested that my 'custom made fixie' actually be a 'custom made single speed' otherwise labelled by CH as 'a fixie in wuss-mode'. Four weeks on from my birthday and I am still yet to see my 'fixie in wuss-mode' in the flesh, however I do get daily MMS updates on the fixie build progress, so I can't complain. And after all.....it's the thought that counts right?

Next year I am going to put it out there and guess that I am about due for a mountain bike to fill that void in my cycling paraphernalia, maybe even a BMX? How can I convince him that a bottle of perfume is an essential cycling related present that I need?

Road Trip

I have always loved road trips. They bring with them a sense of adventure, freedom and fun! They are a great opportunity to hang out together, driving on the open road with the windows down, wind blowing through your hair, consuming copious amounts of caffeine and singing at the top of your lungs.

So when CH and I decided to make a trip to visit family and friends I naturally got excited at the prospect of a road trip, however I forgot just how much road trips have changed since CH began cycling.........

The night before...............

CH spends the night before strategically planing a route which he can cycle that will get him part of the way along our road trip, he then calculates the exact moment which I will have to leave, along with very brief directions on how to get to where he will be. He then packs a bag containing all he will need and places this by the back door so as I don't forget to cart it with me in the car.

The morning of.............

CH removes himself from the bed an hour before I even intend on waking up, dons his lycra and is off.

An hour later I emerge from bed, get ready, and hit the road solo.

I miss the turn off I am supposed to take, which means I am running late. We are supposed to meet at 6:30, and at exactly 6:31 I get the call from CH asking where I am, as he is there waiting.

I finally arrive at the designated meeting spot and wait while CH dismantles his bike to fit it in the car and changes on the side of the road much to the delight of passing vehicles.

We finally begin the road trip together..................but it would seem that CH has worn himself out on his ride and within seconds is sound asleep, head flung back against the seat and mouth wide open, just waiting for a passing fly. So I am alone again on my fun filled road trip and I need to resort to putting on a mystery CD and challenging myself to how many songs I can learn the words to by the end of the road trip.

A couple of hours into the trip and I am in desperate need of a coffee, so I stop at a bakery. CH conveniently wakes up at this point, purchases food, eats food, falls back to sleep. I go back to my mystery CD challenge.

CH eventually recuperates and offers to do some driving. As soon as CH gets behind the wheel he is in the same frame of mind that he is in when he is cycling................All that matters is being first! The trip is a hair raiser. I make a mental note to be cautious about letting him drive.

Somehow we arrive safely and begin to visit family. It is great to see everyone, we are well fed, get to meet some new additions to the family and are sent on our way with a bag of delicious fruit and veg fresh from the garden and lots of love.

The return journey..............

A kilometre into the return journey, and I realise that it's all just been too much excitement in one day for CH as he returns to his earlier 'flytrap sleeping pose'. I realise that it's the mystery CD challenge again for me.

It's late and I am feeling exhausted as we pull into the driveway. While I unload the car, CH cares for his most prized possession, ensuring his bike survived the trip. As we head inside, me carting all the junk we have accumulated along the way and CH pushing in his bike, he pipes up to say.........................................'So, I think I did most of the driving today.'

Too tired to respond to this outrageous claim, I simply shook my head in disbelief.

Saddle Sore Sculpture

CH likes to describe saddle sores as follows "It's when you ride so much that you wear a hole in your skin". I also like the description given on Fat Cyclist - A saddle sore is your butt’s method of asserting self defense - “Your honor, I killed him because he just wouldn’t quit beating on me, day after day, and then when that 75 mile road race rolled around, and he was supposed to go to Moab the next day.” http://www.fatcyclist.com/2007/03/21/the-sorts-of-saddle-sores-and-their-sources/

Saddle sores, of course, occur in an area on your body that you don't want to share with anyone other than your dearly beloved. This made things tricky at dinner the other night when one of CH's Cycling Buddies (CB) is trying to determine if he truly does have a saddle sore. CB was a virgin saddle sore receiver and was wanting confirmation that what he had was just a saddle sore and nothing to be concerned about. So CB decided to treat us all to a verbal description of his saddle sore. Upon completion of the verbal description CB was still not sure that he had painted a clear enough picture to gain an accurate diagnosis, so, he plucks a piece of feta from the salad bowl and begins using his spoon to carve out an exact replica of his saddle sore. At this point it all becomes clear to CH, who delivers his diagnosis - "Yep, it's definitely a saddle sore".
Thank goodness we had the saddle sore sculpture to clarify it all!

Who would have known there is such fine craftsmanship and pleasant conversations to be had at dinner with cyclists!

The Short Sweet Life of Chocolate Biscuits

5:00pm - CH decides to grace me with his presence while I visit the supermarket to purchase onions and potatoes.

5:17pm - We reach the checkout with a whole basket full of goods - total spend $42.75. A sample of the selections made by CH included - Tim Tams, Squiggle biscuits, Red Bull and Ice Cream (you get the picture - he made the fatal mistake of coming to the supermarket whilst hungry).

5:19pm - Half a packet of Squiggle biscuits inhaled by CH. I request to partake in the joy of a chocolate biscuit and he reluctantly parts with one.

5:20pm - I polish off the last crumb of my biscuit, having savoured every mouthful.

5:22pm - In preperation to request another chocolate biscuit I turn my head to CH, just in time to see him place the last bikkie in his mouth, whole. Dammit - too late!

5:45pm - CH sets his sights on demolishing Chocolate biscuits #2 - the Tim Tams are open. I jump in before I miss out and ask that he saves me one.

6:00pm - CH uses all the will power he has got to stop at the last biscuit and put it back in the fridge.

The following day I develop a cold and don't really want to waste my one and only chocolate biscuit by eating it when I won't even be able to fully savour the smell and taste of it. I wonder if the Tim Tam will survive the day, with CH lurking around.

CH resists and the Tim Tam does survive the day, however, over the next few days CH becomes so disturbed by the lone Tim Tam, which he knows he can't eat, that he develops a name for the situation and cries out 'Damn you Tim Tamtation' each time he opens the fridge and discovers it still there.

The fourth day after the Tim Tam purchase - I can't bear to hear 'Damn you Tim Tamtation', anymore and I sacrafice my chocolate biscuit to make one man very happy.
CH gives in to Tim Tamtation, inhales it and wears a smile for the rest of the night.

It's the little things.

The Giant Lycra Magnet

With an increasingly busy schedule CH is looking for ways to wisely use his time in order to try and fit everything in. It would appear that he has decided to try and kill two birds with one stone and has recently started inviting me out to 'join him for a coffee' of a morning, which is really just me crashing in on a post-ride coffee with all his Cycling mates. While it's truly great to catch up with all of his BFF's I just can't bring myself to ticking it off as us spending quality time together (much to CH's disappointment no doubt). While this method has not been successful on the 'date' front, it has been quite intruiging to be exposed to even more of the wierd and wonderful world of cycling culture.

This morning CH very kindly suggested we ride in to have a coffee in at South Bank (which I know really translaltes to - Lets go in and meet my BFF's for a coffee after their ride). So we head off - me on Old Red and CH on his Fixie, and very unsuccessfully tackle some hills along the way. Never the less we finally arrive at the coffee shop, park our bikes and head in to order. Initially there were a couple of cyclists filtered throughout, yet I could hardly believe what unfolded over the space of the next minute. It was like a giant lycra magnet had been placed in this coffee shop and within seconds there was a plague of cyclists feeding their coffee addiction and comparing ride notes....and surely enough among the group were CH's BFF's who we were fortunate enough to have join us on what CH would refer to as a 'date' (Oh the complex mind of a cyclist - so many blurred boundaries!).

Anyhow, while we enjoyed some good coffee and good company, that giant lycra magnet kept doing it's thing and tightly clothed people continued to arrive in herds. I began to feel a little like I was tripping as I took in the multiltude of colours and patterns that jumped out at me from this sea of cyclists - all in the name of keeping warm on the bike. I hadn't realised just how co-ordinated CH is in his kit, with the entourage of winter accessories that go along with it, until this morning. It was amazing and somewhat amusing to see the combinations of gear that people had on and the lengths that they go to to keep warm.

As our 'date' came to an end, we walked out and I rescued Old Red from drowning in a sea of road bikes parked outside, and an observant council worker took it upon himself to tell me 'Gee Love, yours isn't quite as flash as the rest of them is it?' I looked up at him and replied 'Perhaps not, but it does have a flame seat.'

Quote for the Week

CH finally chose to wash something other than his kit today, and contributed to the greater good of the household by doing some washing. This is announced to me this evening in the following words.......

"I did some washing today! Cos that's what I do. The cleaner, that's what they call me!"

Pimp My Ride

I often wonder if CH has convinced himself that he is on a daily episode of Pimp My Ride (bicycle style) as he strives to have the lightest, fastest bike known to man. The constant grooming, upcycling, and purchasing that is involved in keeping his bike up to scratch is phenomenal.

In more recent days, however, he has managed to peel his eyes away from his other love and set his sights elsewhere. I have been dragged into one of the delusional episodes of 'Pimp My Ride with the Notorious CH'.

I should have noticed the subtle clues that have been gradually appearing over the past few weeks...........new handlebars strategically placed in the vicinity of Old Red's resting place, random discussion about Old Red, suggestion of a few 'improvements', and then he hits me with it.........his grand plan to 'Pimp My Ride'.

While I am greatful for any attention that wavers in the direction of my bikes, I have become quite attached to Old Red just the way he is, and I did hold slight concerns that CH's idea of Pimpin and my idea of Pimpin may just not be the same. My fears were confirmed when he arrives home from work this week, and I knew he had a new purchase to show off, because he runs from the car to the back door on the days he has a new toy, and on the days he doesn't have a new toy.........well I am yet to find out what happens on those days! Anyhow....he appears in the doorway with a huge grin on his face and produces the most contrasting combination of bicycle accesories I have ever seen............a wicker front bicycle basket and a bike seat emblazoned with flames. 'Surprise!'

It was like country meets goth, Peggy Sue meets Hells Angels. It's Shania Twain out the front and Metallica out the back.

Unsure as to what kind of a concept CH was trying to achieve, I asked what he thought when he looked at my bike, now that it was 'pimpin', to which he replied........"It's RAD! I've still got more to put on though. It's gonna be pimpin.' And then, accompanied by an evil laugh, he says, 'Wait till you see the flame tires I have for you and the skull grips!'

With such convincing enthusiasm, I wondered for a brief moment if perhaps I had it all wrong? Maybe it does look okay? I guess there is nothing left to do but to rely on the response from the general public now, as I wheel around on the new and questionably improved Old Red.........or I could find someone else who can remove bike seats.

Choose Your Own Adventure

Lately CH and I have been like ships passing in the night. With trips away, busy work schedules and visitors we have had very little time to just hang out and enjoy each others company, until today. Prior to today, CH and I had organised that we would both clear our schedules and hang out together. Unsure as to what we would do I asked CH for some suggestions.

Suggestion #1 from CH
"We should go to a cafe and watch the Tour the night before and then we can sleep in"

I explained to CH that I am feeling in desperate need of an amazing nights sleep, so a late night wasn't really on my agenda, and suggest that perhaps we could grab a DVD to watch earlier and then he could move on to watch the Tour.

Suggestion #2 from CH
"Oh yeah, we could watch a movie..........I've got some Mountain Biking movies we could watch"

Hmmm.......as tempting as that offer was I had concerns that CH could overdo it watching a Mountain Biking DVD as well as the Tour, so was able to gently persuade him to consider other viewing options. We enjoyed some quality viewing which didn't invovle bikes, and the suggestions for the following day rolled on........

Suggestion #3 from CH
"Lets go Mountain Biking tomorrow!"

At this stage I recognise that CH is die hard and will not let up until I participate in some form of cycling related activity - I would much rather participate than watch and I know that CH has been bursting to take McRad (His mountain bike) for a spin, so it is with great enthusiasm that I agree to go Mountain Biking.

We arrive at the Mountain Biking trails and CH chooses then to provide me with the following comforting news

a) He doesn't really know what he is doing as he has never ridden his MTB before and he is unsure as to where any of these trails go, so he isn't sure how long we will be or where we will end up.

b) The MTB that I am using (which is on loan as a demo bike) is a $6000 bike, so try not to break it. No pressure or anything.

Upon receiving this news it is with little confidence that I embark on my first ever Mountain Bike ride. CH led the way, shouting back instructions to me as I navigated the track a short distance behind him ('stay left', 'jump that log' - the second instruction resulted in me on the ground) and his luck struck again as he took us on a perfect loop, which ended up back at our starting point. The bike that I had was awesome (as you would expect from a $6000 bike) and after a few spills, grazes and lots of mud I was wondering why we had never done this before! It was RAD! The ride was completed with CH exclaiming 'Finally, a type of cycling you really like!'

CH surely needs to be credited 10/10 for trying to come up with ways to spend some QT together. He sure knows how to treat a lady ;).

The Return Home

Having been away visiting family for the past week, I was keen to return and see CH and be back at home. Upon returning it's always interesting to see what CH has been up to and what the house is like, as it paints a picture of what went on in my absence..........

The folding that was sitting in the dining room when I left..........still there.
The chocolate that I left on the bench when I left.........gone.
The fruit and vegies that were in the fridge when I left.........still there.
The money that was in our account when I left.........spent (McDonalds, Grill'd, etc etc).
The bed that was made when I left.........a littering of bankets spatter our bed.
The tiny amount of washing left to do..........well the lycra's washed - the rest of it......still there

Ah, yes it's good to be home?? :)

Tour de No Telly

CH recently got rid of the television from our house, in an effort to declutter our lives and have more time to do other things...........of course this has resulted in us having lots more time to do what else but cycling stuff! HOORAY!

However I recently realised that the Tour is fast approaching and am curious to see how CH will manage this without a telly in our house? Shall keep you posted as the saga unfolds.

I did the trek to go and see CH at work today and as I walked through those great big doors there it was.............a bike I dream of...............A bike that is built for glorious comfort. Beaming out at me from the Schwinn range was this beauty......

I made sure that I didn't leave without making it clear that one of these would be warmly welcomed into our already over populated bike shelter.

OLD RED

Besides, I imagine old red must be feeling like the odd one out at our place and may need some company, as he is surrounded by road bikes and McRad (CH's latest addition to the collection). Poor Old Red is like a rose among the thorns.

Knickers, Knickers, Knickers

Working with two and three year olds on a daily basis means that knickers are a fairly popular conversation point, whether it be them sharing which latest super hero features on the front panel or them simply quoting ‘Well I don’t like them, just cos, well they always give me a wedgie, undies do.’

I never thought knickers would feature so prominently outside of my work life until this week…………

With the rain clouds consistently delivering on their promise and providing us with a constant drizzle, it has been near impossible to keep up with the mountains of washing that magically appear around our house. As a result, clothing supplies have been running low, which proved to cause some trouble for CH.

Whilst he can easily manage to organize a clean kit for each day of the week, organization doesn’t extend to anything outside of cycling clothing. Each morning this week I have emerged from my slumber to be greeted with the mild panic of CH as he returns from his ride to discover that he has no dry or clean underpants left. The door opens as he makes his march out to the clothesline to retrieve a pair of knickers and places them in front of the heater on full blast to try and dry them in time to get to work. One would think you may learn after this happening once……..but this scenario was repeated daily with CH, who had it down to a fine art by Friday.

He survived the week without too much drama, until Saturday………….With wet weather, busy weeks and a slight lack of organization, we weren’t exactly spoilt for choice in the underwear department and CH has no choice but to drag out his very last pair of underpants and don ‘The Brown Hornets’, as they eventually ended up being called. Whilst at a race and changing from his kit back into normal clothes ‘The Brown Hornets’ were spotted by some of his Bike Buddies (BB’s) who were highly offended by the colour of these underpants and voiced this loud and clear through creating numerous ‘nicknames’ for the underpants and having a dig at CH. After being the ‘butt’ of a number of jokes due to his unfortunate undie choice, CH couldn’t get those knickers off quick enough when he got home.
I, of course was still wondering whether I should be more concerned about CH’s underwear choice or the fact that his BB’s cared so much about what CH was wearing under his clothes?

The weekend came to it’s grand finale with us getting ready to head out to a party. As I stood at the mirror blow drying my hair, CH appears in the reflection……….I look up and see his jaw drop, before crying out “We have a hair dryer! I can’t believe I have been drying my undies with the heater all week when we have a hair dryer. The hair dryer would have done a way better job!’

I guess we live and learn?

All in a Day

Cuddle time stops at 4:30am as Cycling Hubby (CH) promptly vacates the bed to tend to his other true love.....the bike. CH conveniently returns once all the washing has been done, house vacuumed etc etc. He wreaks of coffee, as he truly believes he will not survive a day without a hit of caffiene and a few hours cycling. Once he has stripped himelf of his fugure-huggng kit and created yet another pile of lycra to washed, he is showered, dressed and off to work (at the bike shop), slapping a quick kiss on my cheek, and casting one last longing glance at his bike as he rushes out the door.

Upon his return from work, I wonder what will be tucked under his arm when he walks through the door........ a parcel, bike catalogue, wheel, perhaps a cycling magazine. Yet another thing to add to our house, which resembles a cross between a cyling shop and bike museum, rather than a humble home. After CH has overcome the excitement of his new addition, we sit down to dinner, which looks like a meal for four, however quickly disappears, thanks to CH going back for seconds, thirds, fourths etc. while I still work my way through my first helping.

As we retire for the evening and retreat to bed, the room comes to life with the dull glow of the computer screen as CH checks roadgrime, his cycling team blog, ebay and all the other cycling related websites that clutter our favourites panel. I put down my book and drift off to sleep wondering if it is at all possible for one to overdose on cycling?

4:30am.............the cycle begins again.